Drinking To Repress Rage & Solutions

Women are typically trained not to feel or show anger. This is especially prominent in the South where I grew up. I was the loving daughter to my divorced mom but I retained a close relationship with my dad as well as my stepmother, stepbrother and my grandparents.

In my family, no one ever got angry, argued or even fought. If I ever got angry and expressed that anger, I was always reprimanded.

After all, if you’re a good girl, you’re not supposed to get angry. Right?

How It Started

As a result of my upbringing, I basically repressed all of my rage and anger. However, as I grew older into my late 20’s, I started drinking wine to deal with that repressed anger. During family functions, holidays and events, I’d drink as many Margaritas and Bloody Mary’s as I could. This often resulted in a huge vomiting mess the next morning. Even though I clearly had a drinking problem, I was still nice to everyone.

Then, when my boyfriend and I bought our own house and lived together, my drinking started to become violent. I would typically drink and get drunk and then get angry at him and yell about things I never discussed when I was sober. One night I even threw my wine glass at him – which was a huge mess, considering I was getting drunk on red wine.

I was angry about everything which led to even more drinking. As a result, I didn’t know how to communicate and ended up drinking to the point where I’d pass out drink at a bar or at home and then get into a rage with anyone and everyone.

Learning to Release My Anger

When I became sober, I realized I had to learn to deal with my anger and rage in a healthier way. So, with the support of my family and friends, I sought out the help of a therapist. I’ll now cover what I’ve learned

Talk to a Trusted Person

One of the best people to talk to is someone that is uninvolved such as a therapist from Road to Recovery Plymouth. You can also talk to a close friend that isn’t in the actual situation and is unbiased.

Open the Lines of Communication

If you become angry at anyone, whether it be a family member, friend or spouse, you need to take some time to be quiet. You should ask them if they would like to have a conversation on the issue that’s affecting you. It is important to do this so that you don’t become repressed.

Deal With Negative Energy In Healthier Ways

There are many ways you can deal with negative feelings such as going for a run, taking a walk, exercising, doing yoga etc.

Thinking Ahead

If you know you’re going into a situation which may upset you, you should come up with a plan on how to deal with it.

Learn to Forgive Yourself When You’re Angry

Anger and rage are completely natural and you need to accept that. You shouldn’t beat yourself up for feeling those type of emotions. You should stop feeling guilty about these feelings since it can lead to resentment over time. Since anger is normal, you shouldn’t try to repress it, but learn how to let it out in healthy ways.

Recovering will take a lot of time. You will need to learn a variety of coping skills and make lots of changes in your life. Remember, it won’t happen immediately and you will struggle. Most people who deal with alcohol abuse tend to need professional care and long-term treatment. If you need this type of treatment, then that’s okay. If you have some patience with yourself, you will reach your goal much faster and you should remember, it is a journey.

Sobriety is something that you need to choose and it is completely up to you. You need to stop denying your problem and take steps towards recovering. Even if you’re faced with setbacks and relapse, you need to keep trying and just keep going. Once you seek effective treatment, you will be able to overcome your issues and triggers and lead a healthier and happier life.

Do You Use Drugs or Drink to Repress Your Rage?

In general, women are taught to not show their anger – especially Southern women. I am the daughter of a divorced mother and was raised in the South. I was very close to my grandparents, step-brother, step-mother, and dad.

No-one ever fought or argued. The few times that I said something while I was angry, I was harshly and quickly reprimanded for it.

Nice Girls Don’t Get Made – Right?

So I learned how to repress my rage and anger. During my late twenties, eventually, I found a very easy way to eliminate my anger: wine! Now family holidays were fun; there was a free flow of Bloody Marys, margaritas, and wine. Sometimes after I woke up the next morning I would throw up, but I was nice all of the time, and never felt angry or much of anything.

Later, when I was involved in a long-term relationship and my boyfriend and I owned a house, I would become drunk and vent my anger at him about the things I wasn’t able to talk about when I was sober. There was one night when I threw an entire glass of wine in the kitchen. That made a horrible mess and left shards of glass scattered across the floor (which made me realise that, if I was going to throw an entire glass of wine, that it should be white instead of red).

The angrier that I became – at my family, my boyfriend, my job – the more alcohol I drank. I didn’t know what to do to properly negotiate or communicate. The only thing I knew how to do was to politely smile while I was sober, and then go home and get drunk and throw a complete fit or drink until I was almost passed out at my local dive bar.

5 Ways That Rage Can Be Released

In sobriety, I needed to learn healthy methods for confronting my range. The following is what I learned, with help from my Plymouth Road to Recovery support group, family and a couple of close friends.

Keep Communication Open

Find some quiet time if you find yourself angry at a family member or friend. Ask them if they would be open to discussing what is bothering you. That will help to prevent your emotions from becoming repressed.

Find Healthy Ways of Getting Out the Negative Energy

Take a walk, do yoga, run.

Plan Ahead

Whenever you know you will be encountering a situation that can potentially make you angry, make sure to have a strategy in advance for handling it.

Speak With Someone Who Isn’t Involved

A therapist is an excellent person to speak with or a trusted friend who is not involved in the situation you are dealing with.

Forgive Yourself Whenever You Are Feeling Rage

It is a natural emotion. So don’t beat yourself when you get angry. Give yourself a break. The morning after fighting with my ex I would feel so guilty. I would grovel and then resent my grovelling to him.

Anger is normal. So just remember that. Repressing can be a very fast way to relapse. So protect yourself as well as your loved ones through finding healthy ways to get things out!

Remember, recovery does take time You must learn new coping skills, make big changes, and build a new life. That doesn’t happen overnight. Many people who are struggling with alcohol abuse are in need of repeated treatment or long-term care – and that is fine. Over time, learning new skills (such as patience) is possible. Recovery is a lifelong journey, not a sprint.

Sobriety is something you choose. It is up to you ultimately – and you alone – to stop being in denial and make your first step in the recovery process. Also, whenever you are faced with a setback that you weren’t expecting or have a strong desire to use, you have the power for determining what the outcome will be. Effective outcome can definitely help with identifying your triggers and overcoming them, in addition to allowing you to make your own decisions in terms of how you will respond.

Do You Use Drinking as a Way of Hiding Your Anger?

From an early age, girls are usually taught to hide their anger. This is especially true for women in the South, which is where I was raised. My family was somewhat nontraditional since my parents were divorced. However, I got along great with my stepmom, my dad, my grandparents, and my stepbrother.

Arguments were few and far between. On the rare occasion that I got angry, I was usually quickly punished, which taught me that anger was not acceptable.

Starting to Drink

As I grew older, this training stuck with me. I felt that all of my anger needed to be contained, which was quite difficult to do. Or, I should say that it was difficult to do until I was part way through my 20s. At that point, I found that drinking wine or other types of alcoholic beverages helped me suppress my anger, allowing me to focus more on having fun instead. Granted, the hangovers were never much fun. However, when I was drinking, I really enjoyed the way that I felt.

As time went by, I moved into a house with a man that I was seeing. When we were living together, I would periodically drink too much. When that happened, I would usually lash out at him, getting angry over things that I had stuffed deep down inside when I was sober. In one instance, I even wound up throwing a wineglass full of wine across a room. When I was cleaning up the mess, I really regretted my actions…almost as much as I regretted that it was red wine instead of white.

As my anger continued to grow, my drinking began to escalate. When I was sober, I tended to stuff my feelings down inside, smiling along with everyone so that I didn’t make waves. When I was drinking, on the other hand, I tried to get so drunk that I wouldn’t have to think about anything. If I was at home, I sometimes wound up drinking myself into a fit of rage.

Healthier Ways to Deal With Anger

It wasn’t until I stop drinking that I learned how to manage my anger in a way that was healthier. With the assistance of my counsellor at the Plymouth Road to Recovery Group and my personal support system, I learned the following tips:

* Communication is essential. When you are feeling angry with someone else, set aside a time when you can talk to them about your feelings. It is best to express yourself in a calm, rational matter rather than bottling up your feelings until they come exploding out in a torrent of anger.

* Exercise. Exercising is one of the best ways to deal with anger. Choose an activity that you enjoy such as taking walks, going running, or taking part in yoga.

* Have a plan. If you suspect that something is going to cause you to get angry, try to plan how you will deal with those feelings ahead of time.

* Consult with an outside party. Sometimes, it is easy to get so caught up in the situation that you can’t see it clearly. Talking to someone like a counsellor who is not directly involved can be a great way to get an outside perspective that is honest and unbiased.

* Go easy on yourself. Everyone feels anger at one point or another. Don’t feel bad about the times that you do get angry. It is easy to wind up racked with guilt if you get into a fight with someone else. Instead of feeling awful about getting angry, accept that it is a normal emotion and that it is a part of being human.

Use Strategies to Help You

Most importantly, never bottle up your anger. If you do, you are far more likely to turn to alcohol again to help you cope. To minimise your risk of relapsing, it is important to come up with healthy strategies that allow you to confront your anger directly rather than hiding it inside.

The process of getting over a drinking problem doesn’t happen in the blink of an eye. You have to learn new ways of coping with life and new strategies for living. Oftentimes, recovery takes a long-term commitment. Some patients even have to go through treatment multiple times. No matter what it takes for you to recover, it is important to realize that it is okay. As long as you continue working toward recovery, you are on the right track, even if you fall off course every now and then.

You have the ability to choose to be sober. The key is to acknowledge that you have a problem and to start taking actions that lead you down the path to recovery. Until you make that choice, it will be much harder for you to control your urges. Going through treatment is a great way to figure out the triggers that cause you to turn to alcohol. From there, you can learn how to deal with those triggers more effectively, improving your chances of sticking with your recovery programme.

Do You Repress Your Rage by Drinking or Using Substances?

In general, all women, especially Southern women, are trained to keep their anger to themselves. My upbringing was in the South, I was the daughter of a divorced man. I had a good relationship with my dad, my step-mom, my step-brother and my grandparents.

I didn’t see any of the argue or get angry. If I, on occasion, said something in anger I was quickly and sharply reprimanded.

If You Are a Nice Girl, You Don’t Get Angry – Right?

I learned to repress the anger that I felt at all times. By my late twenties, I found there was a great way to do this: wine! I loved family holidays as they were a time that wine, margaritas and Bloody Marys were in good supply. At times I would be sick the next morning but I was always so lovely – never having feelings of anger or anything really.

After a while, when I had a long-term relationship and owned a home with my boyfriend I would get myself drunk and then have a major anger vent at home over matters that I wasn’t able to talk about when I was sober. There was one night that I threw a full glass of wine across the kitchen. It made such a mess with shards of glass everywhere (it made me see that if you are about to throw a glass of wine, its good to make sure it’s white and not red).

The more anger I felt – in my work, at my boyfriend, even towards my family – the more I turned to alcohol. I had no idea how to communicate, all I knew was how to smile in a lovely fashion when I was sober and how to drink in a bar to the point of almost passing out or at home before flying into a fit.

The 5 Ways You Can Calm Your Rage

When sober, I learned how to deal with my rage in a healthy way. Thanks to my support group at Plymouth Road to Recovery Group, as well as a few close friends, I learned several things.

1) Communication Should Always be Kept Open

If you are feeling angry at your friend, a family member or someone else, find yourselves a bit of quiet time. See if they a willing to talk about it. That stops emotions from getting repressed.

2) Look for Healthy Ways That You Can Release the Negative Energy

Go for a run do yoga, even just take a walk.

3) Make Plans In Advance

If you know that a potential anger situation is looking make sure that you plan in advance for it.

4) Have a Chat With Someone Who Is Not Involved

A therapist is a good option or a trusted friend who is not in the middle of things.

5) When Rage is Boiling Up, Forgive Yourself

Feeling rage is a normal human emotion. Do not feel angry at yourself for being angry. Give yourself a break. I used to feel so bad the morning after I had a fight with my ex. I would grovel, then feel bad about the grovelling too.

Don’t forget, anger is normal. If you repress it you can have a relapse very quickly. Give yourself protection, as well as your loved ones, by knowing how to release it.

It takes time to recover. You need to learn new ways of coping and make big changes to build a new life, it doesn’t happen at once. A lot of people who have an issue with alcohol abuse will need long-term care and that is just fine. After a while, it will be possible to learn new skills. Recovery isn’t a race, it is a journey that lasts a lifetime.

It is a choice to be sober. The choice is yours – and yours alone – coming out of denial is the first step on your road to recovery. In the same way, when you get slammed with an unexpected setback or a strong urge to use, you have the power to decide on the outcome. Effective treatment can be a massive aid in identifying triggers and allowing you to make your own decisions as to how you respond to them.

5 Ways You Could Be Breaching Employee Privacy Laws

Every employee has several rights at work. These include a right to privacy, a right to freedom from discrimination and a right to fair compensation. Federal and state governments have implemented many employment laws designed to protect employees from being treated unfairly or with discrimination. These laws also help secure them against unsafe work environments.

“Always conduct your business in a way that respects your employees and their family information as it must be treated privately and confidentially,” advises the CFO of GBS Corporate Training. The following examples are five ways you could be breaching their privacy rights.

1. Publishing an employee’s personal phone number

When you use applications such as Excel to list work schedules and rosters, you might list everyone’s mobile numbers. This is meant to make it easier to contact people to find out why they are late or to get coverage for another shift.

When you publish a schedule or roster with their personal cell phone numbers on it and post it in the workplace, you are putting them and your business at risk. Sure it is handy to have access to phone numbers so you can find someone to call if another employee is sick. But, while it is unlikely to happen, it could get into the wrong hands.

Identity theft is a growing problem. By posting private phone numbers in public you could be aiding a stalker without knowing it. You could open yourself up to facing a harassment lawsuit.

2. Using e-mail for private conversations

Most employers use e-mail to routinely communicate all kinds of things, casual and professional with employees. Sometimes the casual communications are borderline personal. Keep private conversations private and away from e-mails.

It is too easy to copy or forward what is put in black and white. Doing such a thing can also get you into trouble and ruin your employer’s brand. Choose what you communicate over e-mail carefully.

3. Keeping employee files insecure

You are required to keep records of your business. It is a task no one enjoys but it is a must.

The laws in Australia require that employee records are retained for seven years. These records include employee names, date of commencement, pay, and more. In America, most tax records are to be retained for at least four years. If anyone is injured in the office those records should be held onto for 10 years.

Keep sensitive information on these records secure. Use an online system rather than paper files. You get easy access to records but secure this private data.

4. Keep the office records clean

You have to hold on to the information described above. However, you need to destroy it when it is no longer needed. If you hold onto old information, it could pose problems with identity theft or it could cause your business to be faced with legal challenges.

5. Protect data

Do you think you are safe now that you have enacted a compliant personal data protection policy? That is only one step you must take. Enforcing that policy is just as important. You should create a personal data protection policy that accounts for all the data you collect and hold onto.

Have your employees sign copies of the policy. Place a copy in their HR files so that your company has an audit trail showing that the policy is always being adhered to and enforced. Your employees will appreciate that you are looking out for them and that you are obeying privacy laws.